Thursday, October 2, 2008

Chapter 6- How to Ask a Women Out

In the age of computers and Internet websites the world of dating has changed extremely. Even in my lifetime I would never had thought that I can turn on my computer and get matched up with 30 women all within my area. What has happened is that we have condensed the whole dating scene into a consumer based process with discounts and coupons to the local eateries. To me that is sad. While the convenience factor is there and in the time of high gas prices as an economist and financier I can see the cost cutting importance but do women really want to meet a guy through a website? Are our own personal sensibilities so fragile that we cannot handle the thought of rejection? One might that that is the case but to be honest in the end it is a fad and not some freaking "E-Harmony" commercial. Like my father says about online job websites "have you really met anyone that got a job online?" As for myself, no not yet anyway. But there are exceptions to the rules and some guys swear by these websites but I think it is because it is an easier way for them to pick up women.

So back to the original point. How to ask a women out? I can tell you from years of both being rejected and accepted it is a tough world. Women I believe are a lot more complicate (explained in Chapter 1) and they are to be honest the new "Bachelor's" on the block. The women of today are more goal oriented and savvy. Definitely not like the women of old. They can easily talk on the cell phone, drive, put make-up on take the kid's to school and conference in on a business call all at the same time. The women of today I hate to admit it are somewhat, and the words are too hard to type, much like those girls in "Sex and the City" without all of that excessive glamor. But fortunately for us there is one undeniable fact women, when you cut through all of that fast paced life style, are still wanting a man to come up to them and speak to them and ask them out. In fact, in my experience they respect a man more for taking a chance rather than using the safety and security of the Internet dating sites.

Now does that mean you go right up to some random woman and say "will you go out with me?" No, that is not the way to go. You will unfortunately have to nip away at them little by little. These are my suggestions:

  1. 1. Women like a man that is confident. I had a buddy of mine, literally one of the ugliest guys I know, and he would some how meet all of these women. To this day I still cannot believe it. But the one thing he told me was that women like a guy who is confident. Someone that is comfortable with who he is. If he is fat, short, muscular or whatever body type the fact is that if you feel comfortable with yourself then they will feel comfortable with you. It is like they have an intuition about you.
  2. Example point- Guys have you ever noticed that when you are single and have not met a girl in a while the girls seem to stay away. It is like you can't find a date even if you paid someone. But if you are in a relationship or even dating around you seem to be more attractive? Why is that you may ask? I am not going to bore you with some Freudian theory but in my opinion it is the sense of confidence that attract women to you. The way you carry yourself. It is like you don't care if a women likes you or not and for some reason that's what gets them going the most.

  3. 2. When you see a girl and you find them attractive don't just go right up to them and start slobbering all over them like a 2 year old puppy that is ready to mate. Women hate that! You have to give them some space. Remember the "space bubble" is not a myth it is real. Look for the signs does she notice you? Is there eye contact and if there is it prolonged or just like what the hell is that guy looking at? If it is prolonged then that is a good sign and you may be able to start making your way over. My dad always said "beware of the second look" but in this case if they have looked you over several times and you have caught each others eye then "Houston we have contact."

  4. 3. Now once you have started the conversation don't be all like "hey what's your name?" and then crickets you have to think of a few more things to say than that. I can't tell you what to say because if that were the case then the challenge of the situation is wasted and that is what is the coolest part of it all the challenge to get past the first few common questions. You can tell if they are interested if they reciprocate the Q&A. Warning: It is important at this point you remember everything that they tell you because if you don't it will come back to haunt you. Women like a man who is easy to talk to and remembers basic stuff like their name!! I have messed up on that a few times and lost a couple of opportunities, man I was stupid!!
  5. 4. Finally, you have made contact. You may have been able to get a number off them and if you didn't no problem you still have made good progress. Because the next time you see them around you will remember "their name!!" and some of the things they had told you earlier. That impresses them as well as makes you look good too. Guys, the saying is the "first impression is a lasting impression" for women that is true 100% of the time. I have to say it again 100% of the time. At this point things will be looking up and you may be able to get a number, if you have not earlier, and also maybe even a date. Warning: If she does accept it take it with stride do not start the fist pumping until she is well and gone!

  6. 5. If she refused then no problem just keep your cool because she could be testing you and you don't want to burn bridges. She may accept the next time. If she doesn't then move on. The trick is don't hound them. If they want to see you they will. If all of these examples have failed then start back over, get on that horse again and go back to step one and do it again. The important thing is that you have to take each rejection and acceptance as a lesson learned and more notably that you had enough balls to go through it all. Even if she did not like you the first time she will still respect that fact that you took a chance. Most women let you down kind of easy and if they don't no worries you did not need her anyway.

Final thought- Listen fellas I know you have heard this saying "there are plenty fish in the sea" and this is a scientifically proven fact that there are more women then men on this earth so the chances of meeting someone that will like you are increase exponentially. So no worries there is always mail order brides..hahah

Tuesday, September 30, 2008


For those of whom are a bit squeamish about sex as a topic then you should probably skip this part. But for those wanting to forge on I hope to give some insight on a common yet generally taboo subject of when to approach the sex subject in a relationship?

Now this is not a religious blog and I am quite aware of God's teachings on the subject so I do not need any reminder from those on the sidelines about "abstinence and its importance." I am just posting the obvious and what is going on in real time.

First, boys will be boys and the once quietly spoken sex talks in the sacred men's locker rooms in high school's across America have now found their way into every facet of American culture and life. Now mind you I am not saying go out and get laid at every possible moment, far from it.My thoughts on the subject are based on my experiences and my own personal beliefs so if what I say helps you great if not then it will make for an interesting read.

Sex is for the most a very sensitive subject no matter the dynamic of the relationship either it be your in a long term relationship or just meeting someone and your are attracted to them. The subject of sex is really hard to swallow (no pun intended). For the purposes of this section I will discuss the introduction of sex for new relationships.

I have broken down the subject matter into several groups these are virgins, experienced and night club girls.

  1. 1. Virgins- This one is tricky guys because honestly you and I both know when it is our first time it really is not much to gawk at but for a woman it is everything. Once they give themselves to you emotionally and physically that is it and cannot be taken back. Damn, talk about pressure. So then you wonder do we ever get to that part in our relationship? To be honest, you may not but it does not mean you dump the girl because she won't give it up. You have to understand what is at stake here and it is a lot of responsibility. If you have invested yourself into a relationship where a woman has made it clear that she is a virgin then you my friend are going to have to do a lot of soul searching. You must decide at that point is it worth the wait? If it is then do we not do anything sexually at all? To answer this I can say you will have to be patient and let her decide what is right and how far she is willing to go. That is what really stinks. This is where the boys get off at the station and then men stay on for the rest of the ride. You have to look at all of the factors and become selfless not selfish.

  2. 2. Experienced- Now finding women that are virgins today is like a needle in the hay stack. But obviously that is a rare and wonderful thing that they have chosen to wait. But for the rest of the flock they may have a few blemishes on them. Does that mean they are dirty and terrible for crossing that threshold? Hell no! But it does mean that some of that pressure is off, but only a little. Guys you must look at this very carefully. Just because she is not a virgin anymore does not mean they are heartless and emotionally unattached. They are just as delicate and innocent as the next and need the same amount of patience required for dealing with every aspect of a woman. Once you get involved with them sexually you are still bound to a point that you are now officially a couple. So how do you get to that point. Well, there is no real trade secret, although many men boast, the basic idea is that you have to show a woman that you are interested in her and that sex is actually the last thing that you want, even though they know we want it. If they are attracted to us and want to go further believe me they will let you know. You just have to know when to read the signs. Some of these signs maybe a lot of physical touching and eye contact, laughing at almost everything you say, wanting to hang out more, and in some cases they will ask you out. Now how do you react to all this? Confidence is key my friends not cockiness. You have to take the invite graciously without looking like you knew it was coming. At that point you will know and after that first kiss you will definitely know! Women in most cases while kissing you will give you tale tell signs of how far they want it at that point. My suggestion is do not try for it after the first kiss. Guys take your time it will happen and it will be worth the wait besides women, despite what porno's try to portray, are not just ready to go right there. It takes time and a lot of investment to show that you care and she is worth the wait.

  3. 3. Night Club Girls- Now these girls have gotten a bad rap. But unfortunately it is justifiably so. If you go to a night club to meet a girl I would say 7 time out of 10 you will probably end up together at the end of the night. Why is that? Well, guys know this and girls do too. It is a preconceived notion that when they are going out it is to have a good time and that is generally getting a little hammered and meeting a new guy. So ladies if you are reading this the cat is out of the bag and every guy knows why you are there because we are there for the same thing. So sex is usually more easily discussed in these situations rather than any other time because inhibitions are lowered. (Side note: Most of these relationships that I have seen or experienced that are started in night clubs have a very low shelf life. If you are not one of those couples and have lasted a long time then congratulations you proved me wrong now go sit down).

Final thought- Sex is not what you see on movies, porno's or some freaking "The Hills" episode. It should be taken with great care, consideration and again responsibility. You should definitely read all the warnings on the labels and check for expiration dates because you could not only hurt some one else but also yourself.

Chapter 4- How to take Criticism from a Woman

This is a touchie subject for both men and women. Because naturally we become defensive anytime our ideas or feelings are being questioned by either a co-worker or someone that we care about.
So the question would be how can we take criticism from a loved one without looking like an a**hole?
It is tough I know I have had to come to grips with this over and over again. Women, let's face it, are expressive some would say overly opinionated but for men we just feel that they are bitching at us. So when it comes to criticism of something we usually do not separate good criticism from bitching we just put it all in the same "junk folder."
Now that we have isolated the issue let me try to bring some scope on the conversation. Guys when a woman tries to tell you something and you find yourself becoming irate my best suggestion in this case is not necessarily plead your case right there. The best thing to do is to "bite thy tongue."
I know that you are reading this and saying "what be a punk and back down!?" Oh no no contraire monfraire. I think you should look at this as an opportunity to plan out the next stage of the battle scene. It will be hard to understand this but woman are, honestly, 5 steps ahead of us in thought. For them to express anything they have already broken down the thought process and in most cases analyzed what to say. So gentlemen, we have to play their game "when in Rome."
Example story- I was dating a girl that for the most part was very congenial never really blew up too much and said her mind when she needed to, like most women. The only difference is when she criticised me she really knew where to hit the nerve and of course my natural male instincts took over and I was defensive and started biting back. Of course, at this point the argument became heated and I, as a manly man, would not back down. I kept at it until she seemed to stop talking about it and moved on. This is where they get us boys. This argument is now stored in the "internal argument hard drive" and will be accessed at her nearest convenience usually at a time when it is most inconvenient to you. So to make a long story short I was out with some friends almost 8 months after the fact and we were all having dinner together when out of the blue, I was not certain it was a key word that sparked the conversation, but she started up again. Now most guys in this situation would have forgotten about this but "NOOO" she never did. They never do and once again we were on that same road I has thought was detoured 8 months ago. (Mind you not all women are like this. But we have had our share that are)
So I am sure you are saying "damn that is a crazy girl" but fellas we have all been there. The best thing to do is nip in the bud as early as possible so here is a list of things you must do in order to handle a situation where you are being criticized:
  1. 1. When being criticized "listen" (refer to chapter 1). You may not like what they have to say but I can promise you more so or not they have thought about this situation before and really need to get it out of their systems.
  2. 2. Like an interview keep good eye contact and at least acknowledge what they are saying. (Hint: if the T.V. is on or your playing games the best thing to do is put it away for a bit, at least until they are done).
  3. 3. Finally, remember what was said and after the conversation let the chess match begin. Don't try to get too many points in right there but slowly interject them over time even if you have to wait a few days. What is more important that we get our points off right away, piss off our loved one's and then no cuddle time at night so we can feel more like a man at that moment or we behave much like the lioness on the hunt move in slow and methodically for the final kill point and in the end we still get our cuddle time as well as our point across.
Final thought- Gentlemen this is a "Mission Impossible" if you choose to accept it you of course will not only be able to get your points out in every critical argument you have with your loved one but also you will impress them with the fact that you take what they say to heart and you can take what they dish out like a man!! As the bible says "pride cometh before the fall."

Chapter 3- When to Use The "L" Bomb

Recently, I have been approached by a few of the boys and was asked the question "if the girl says I love you do I need to say it back?" and "when is the best time to use the "L" bomb?"

Now I am sure many of you have been stuck like Chuck when this situation occurs and sometimes you are not certain what to do in this situation. Now I can only speculate, of course, based on my knowledge of the subject and how using the "L" bomb changes the entire scope of the relationship. I can really only provide examples on when I believe when to say it and when not to.
I have to say I have been disgusted with some of the male species in today's society who have apparently watched too much "One Life to Live" and feel that is the standard by which we should behave (wrong fellas!!). It might look really good on T.V. but in my opinion women want to swept off their feet but not turned upside down.

Now here are examples when you should and shouldn't use the "L" word:

  1. 1.When you are dating, for a few month's, and you get to a point in the relationship where emotions are definitely running high and you are overwhelmed with a sense of euphoria at that point you may wonder is this the time to say it? I would suggest not to and here is why. When your emotions are running high, especially for men, our rational thought process goes out the window. I believe when to say I love you is at the time of relaxation when you are both comfortable with your surroundings and with yourself. At that point you are ready.
  2. 2.What is the deal with freaking 18 - 20 year old's today?!! Now I am not trying to sound like an "old damn fart" but for Christ sakes why is it after 3 weeks we are already at the I love you stage, ready to move in next month and a baby on the way. Damn people!! Slow that roll. You are 18 years old you should be enjoying life and getting out there not worrying about how are we going to pay the rent and car payment. Why do we have to say I love you so quickly when obviously we know in our mind's, not heart's mind you and there is a big difference, that we really don't want this. Is it the pressure of society? I am not sure but whatever it is freaking guys take a bag of ice and hold on those jewels for a few hours, take two aspirin's and a cold shower and call me in the morning!
  3. 3.Finally, when not to say I love you is in the middle of sex or a make out session. This is the worst time, please revert back to example 1, because once again your emotions are high and to be honest guys it's the other head we are using now. Plus, most women don't really believe you anyway. I would love you too after having a great sexual encounter.
Final thought- I know you may think of me as a bit of a prude but let's face it fellas you probably know what I am talking about. I am sure you have looked at some guy, probably in a pink shirt, and said "look at that jackass all over his girl being all smoochie like" and then we go see our girls and do the same thing. When saying I love you it is "a game changer" and once it is out in that void of no return it is hard to get it back. So really think about when the appropriate time to say it. Now I am not telling you not to ever say it. If you feel the need let it loose but I am just trying to reiterate the overall importance it has on another woman. We may be able to shake it off a little easier than they can and if you truly love that woman you really need to think first and speak second.

Chapter 2- Xbox vs. Girlfriend

I am an avid Xbox user, I love it. Mind you I know I am a little old for video games but damn I love taking my chainsaw and cutting into the locust (Gears of War Reference) like any other man. What is it about Xbox that we as men love? I can only assume since I know the reasons why I love it. For me, it is a release a place that we can chat with our buddies, talk a little smack and not have to worry about the wife and kid's or bills we have to pay. It's all about the innate competitive spirit that is found in every man. We are competitive by nature and cannot stand to loose. I know I spent a whole summer playing Final Fantasy just to improve the level on my Chocoboo and beat the final boss.
So why can't women understand our love for video games? That my friends is a great question. But one that cannot easily be answered. I for one believe that we can talk on the phone while playing guitar hero..hahahah. But women, and this goes to Chapter 1, want us to listen to what they say and focus solely on what they are trying to communicate with you. Now I know that really sucks because you are on level 11 and 300 points from getting that new weapon on Call of Duty 4. But, I am sorry to say guys if the girl is on the phone or in the same room with you and unless she is actually playing the games with you, and if that is the case she is a keeper and never let her go! ever!, but more than likely her attention and focus will be lost after a few moments and then play time is over and we have to put the toys away.
So how do we win? Some would say impossible. But I beg to differ. It is all about time management and communication. Your loved one does understand your need to conquer evil but you have to do it on off peak hours. For example:

  1. 1. If she is at work and you are at home and she has asked you to do a few chores around the house then my suggestion is do the chores quickly!! Then it's play time baby. Warning: Do not do half-ass work because when she gets home and sees that you did not do it well then asks what you were doing if you mention games then every time you screw up that will be the only thing on her mind "That damn Xbox!"
  2. 2. If she is out shopping or hanging with some friends for the night and you want to just chill at home. No problem go at it.
  3. 3. Finally, my suggestion is that you coordinate a little me time with the better half and designate your manly time with her schedule so that way there is no real cause for confrontation.

Final Thought- If you follow these ideas more than likely you won't get any real shit about playing. Otherwise, overtime women will store this info in their "I am so pissed off at you" memory banks and that will build. Then you will start to hear "why do you always play the Xbox when I am around?" Of course, we know this not to be true we don't always play the Xbox when they are around but women have a bad sense of timeline all of the times you screwed up get merged into one long session. So it is best to avoid this as much as possible.

Chapter 1- The Dating Game

To be frank many of you know that dating in today's world really is complicated. I need not remind you guys that women are too very complicated. The biggest issue that I have come across is that men have yet to learn when to fight and when to fight another day. Mind you I am no Dr. Phil (thank god) but I am an experienced veteran in the world of dating. I believe there are three things that men need to do in order to keep a good relationship going these are:

1. Listening- Guys I know that we say "we are listening" but are we truly doing so? No, our minds are like an ant hill always in constant movement so for example when a woman says all she wants for her birthday is a pair of earrings then gentlemen your job is halfway done go out and get her a nice, simple but elegant, pair of earrings (hint: always save the receipt).

Example story- There is a girl that works with me and her 21st birthday was coming up. All she could talk about was how excited she was getting a new pair of earrings from her boyfriend. Well the day came and her boyfriend apparently thought it would be better to install a new stereo system in her car. Well the problem is that when he installed it he blew a fuse and the once half-way decent system that she had in her car now became just a pretty dashboard icon. She of course was so angry and pissed because all she kept asking for was a new pair of earrings yet he did what most guys would have done and thought he knew better than she did (mistake!!). Now granted most of you reading this would say damn a new radio system would have been nice too and that bitch should have been happy with that! Guys, if you agree with that then if you are in a current relationship that will be finished very soon. The girl wanted a pair of earrings not for the vanity of it all. It was because she lost her only pair at the beach and she really wanted a new pair because that would make her feel, in my opinion, more like a lady.

2. Remembering important stuff- Guys we are probably the worst at remembering shit. If your lady asks you to go to the grocery store to get a list of items and we don't write it down. 9 times out of 10 we will get it wrong. Now those of which get all of the items my hands off to you and Jesus will be calling you for another miracle. This of course falls in line with the listening section. My suggestion is that you write it down or send a text message to yourself so that way you won't forget. I have found texting myself to be the easiest since we will probably lose the paper we wrote it on since it was probably out of drawer somewhere in the house.

3. Important Dates- Finally, the last thing we have to do is to remember the important dates and times in our current relationship. There are several important dates in a relationship that, many of you know this yet we still freaking forget, these are:

  1. 1. The first date- Now mind you remembering the date of the first date will only be important while the dating process is in effect. Once you move to the engagement level then that becomes only a novelty.

  2. 2. The birthday- Guys,guys,guys I cannot count on my fingers how many times that I or even my friends have forgotten a loved one's birthday. So keep that on the internal hard drive.

  3. 3. Wedding date- Once you have locked yourself in this date is by far the most important! Forgetting your wedding anniversary, on most occasions, is punishable by death (in some countries) or a year long onslaught of ass kissing. So I suggest you get that date saved too on the hard drive.

Final thought: Now I am not saying these are the next "Ten Commandments" brought down from Mt.Sinai but I can say that if you follow these then more times than not your lady will be the happier for it.